Today we are gonna talk about school.
Oh boy.
I have written 331 pages and 90,000 words on this topic.
Yes I did.
And I am still not done saying what I have to say. *hint hint
So in order to not repeat my entire book, “Waiting for the Light Bulb: the ramblings of a crazy, gritty mom” which I highly recommend by the way *wink wink* which is available on Amazon as a kindle edition, paperback or audiobook *wink wink*… I want to focus on the present.
But before I tell you about Isla’s day to day at school, there are a couple things you need to know about her school district.
It’s exceptional.
It is not the typical public school particularly when it pertains to special education.
Here are a few tidbits about Isla’s school district.
– Sensory rooms on EVERY campus in the ENTIRE district with special education units.
– Inclusion playgrounds on EVERY elementary campus with special education units.
– “ABA in the Classroom” training for EVERY special education teacher, paraprofessional, therapist, administrator and all general education teachers that have inclusion students.
– “Waiting for the Light Bulb” for EVERY special needs family and EVERY employee in the Special Education department.
– Parent Advisory Board just for parents that have special needs students.
– An evening devoted just to those families that have special needs students for sensory play ideas, token board innovation, and more and more and more.
Let me rephrase… those are not tidbits, those are HUGE bits. Huge.
This is our district. It is NOT the norm. By far. Trust me. If you are a special needs parent I don’t have to convince you that this is not the norm because you know.
If I had to guess, and I think her teacher would agree… there are 1-2 really hard days a week with 3-4 really great days for Isla.
This depends on thousands of uncontrollable factors like if a teacher is out for the day or Isla’s routine is changed up or her sleep the night before was disturbed or she is not feeling well, etc. etc.
Isla is usually happy to wake up to go to school. If she is not happy or extra sleepy, all I have to do is focus on June and it does the trick.
“Oh June! You look so smart today! What are you most excited to do today in school? Is it GT day?”
Isla will hop right in, “Mom I have music today!” Got her.
I help her dress every morning and every morning I am so thankful the school has a uniform policy because this makes outfit choosing so easy for a tired momma of three.
Isla loves “shakes” which annoys this momma but whatev.
She usually wants some kind of banana, milk, chocolate, strawberry concoction in the morning and then we are all off to school.
Car rides are breezy and filled with music and seated dancing.
But friends, oh friends, about 3 out of the 5 days a week when we turn that corner to the school parking lot, something just flips a switch in my little girl’s brain.
Almost immediately and sometimes mid-singing you can see her whole body language change. Her smile fades, her shoulders slump, her face falls and eyebrows scowl, she begins to moan and groan and slur words.
“I no wanna go school. Mom peese. Mom I no want go. Mom. No. No. I go home you. Mom peese.”
I am a professional at this guys. Not because I am special or smart but because I have dealt with this for 9+ years since Isla started going to a school of any kind.
“Hey Isla look who is outside waiting for you! Oh your PE coach and your teacher. Ah look at Ms. So and So’s shirt! How pretty. I love those colors on her. OK well I think you are going to have a great day! Then as soon as I pick you up we have gymnastics for June and you will get to use the iPad and then its Chick fil A night!” I say.
It is the art of distraction. I ignore all of the cues she is giving me and pretend nothing is happening.
This works most of the time. It really does. Something in my long drawn out distraction conversation will catch her attention and she will look at me, still concerned but will nod as if to say, “yeah that will be worth how uncomfortable I am about to be.”
Now that I know so much about Isla and how PDA works on how she processes the world, let’s imagine it from her perspective.
Isla’s brain…
Ugh my mom is tapping my shoulder and tickling my feet and I DON’T WANT TO GET UP! Hum, I also would like her attention like June is getting right now so I better get up quick! I’m sooooo hungry! I can’t wait for school breakfast because I’m soooo hungry. Even if I did wait it’s just cereal and a weird cookie thing and it’s not the same as my mom’s yummy eggs.
Maybe my mom will make me a shake again! I love the way it feels to suck and chew on the straw and it fills me up and I can drink it while we are driving so I don’t make a big mess.
I love sitting in the front seat with my mom. It makes me feels so grown up. And I love this song!!!! THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!
Oh no! We are turning into school. Oh no! I love my teachers and my friends but what if the work is super hard today? Oh no! What if my teacher has another long meeting and she is not there? Oh no! What if my friend is super noisy again today when she screams and it hurts my ears? Oh no! What if it rains and I can’t play outside? Oh no! Ugh! It is so cozy in this seat and I love my mom and am safe right here drinking this shake and oh no!!!!
This is not Isla’s fault. For years I fought her. “What is wrong? Get off Isla! Everything is fine! Stop being so difficult! Everyone wants to help you. Get off the car!”
This worked for me ZERO times.
There is nothing that compares to the look of total defeat and sadness and frustration of a momma who has to physically lift their grown 5ft 100 pound child from a vehicle and carry them into a school.
BUT after my “distraction convo” maybe her brain says…
Oh my mom is talking so much and seems so happy. I don’t want to disappoint her. But I’m so anxious! Wait did she say iPad? Chick fil A? Yes today is Chick Fil A day… oh maybe I can do this day fast so I can get to Chick Fil A my favorite happy place in the whole world. The coach is smiling so big at me and my teacher just mentioned breakfast tacos…ugh I’ll get down.
Guys this thought process happens multiple times all day! Islas brain works a million miles a minute trying to cope with an environment that was not created for her.
This is nobody’s fault.
All day the teachers work together and build trust. They use clappers all day for praise, give Isla so many options and choices, they use laser pointers to secretly show Isla the answer when its her turn for the smartboard so Isla gains confidence … and on and on. They have all had the “ABA in the Classroom” training , they take the students to the sensory room twice a day and have an administration who has years upon years in special education classrooms so they get it.
They are so patient. So, so patient.
The principal loves Isla so. She takes her for walks when she needs them. Makes her the leader for passing out forms. I could go on and on.
They believe me. They believe in PDA. They believe in Isla.
What a world of difference.
1 comment
Thank you SO much for your awesome PDA series. I loved it and found it extremely useful. We have our annual IEP coming up for my 8 year old ASD/ADHD very PDA son 🙂 so it was especially timely. I really loved how you broke each characteristic down and what worked for Isla. Thank you again for sharing your journey!!!