When Isla was 9 years old we attempted karate.
By about the third or fourth session I started to feel embarrassed for her and I HATE admitting that.
She would never stay in line, she was extremely uncoordinated, and she didn’t take anything seriously. When it was time to concentrate silently, Isla would shout, “Kai ya!” She was impulsive, and it was funny to her.
When they had to work in pairs, I would sit at the edge of my seat so terrified that Isla would hurt someone right in front of all the parents. She had no impulse control and that was what karate was all about.
She seemed to want or need to do the opposite of everything that was requested. I could see it all over her face.
When the instructor would warn the students not to hit the shield bags their partners were holding, I just knew that Isla would punch that bag as hard as she freakin’ could.
Then came nunchuck day. Yes. I said NUNCHUCK. Enough said.
Through Isla’s daily behavior reports from school, I began seeing drastically opposing reports within the same day. “Wonderful morning!” “Afternoon took a bad turn.” “Awesome job at the assembly!” “Very hard recess break.”
One day she would be happy and smiling and practically skipping into and out of school and the next day she was being restrained. She would start a week looking forward to incentives and wanting to make me proud and then end the week saying things like, “I don’t like my mom or my dad or my sister.” “I want to have a bad day.” “I don’t want to make good choices.”
I remember that as all of this worsened one particular year I went to our pediatrician at my wits end. I was seriously convinced my little girl had mental health issues. I thought she needed psychiatry involvement. I wasn’t sure if it was bipolar disorder or schizophrenia or God knows what else!
Such a confusing, emotional, fearful time for us.
This is all part of the 3rd characteristic of PDA. Children with PDA have excessive mood swings and impulsivity. Isla has great difficulty regulating her emotions and we have to be very mindful that her mood swings are in response to real or perceived pressure and driven by the need to control.
As she approaches puberty I can’t help but anticipate how these mood swings will change or lessen or worsen as hormones will also start to play a role.
The very first fateful day that I discovered PDA, I felt sick to my stomach thinking that I was so close to considering putting Isla on an antipsychotic medication.
What if we’d started experimenting with those? How would that have affected by beautiful, misunderstood girl?
If PDA is not widely known or accepted, are there other children out there on antipsychotics as a result of misdiagnosis? Are there kids out there who everyone just assumes are “bad” or “troubled”, who are not supported the way they need to be, and who are living with anxiety and stress and side effects of medications they don’t need while everyone around them assumes their bad behavior is just noncompliance?
