When Isla was 4 years old, her delays and oddities were so pronounced we asked for a local school district early intervention team to observe Isla in her private school classroom. This expert opinion was required before moving forward with full testing to see if Isla qualified for early services.
After a brief morning visit, we were told through a quick phone call that Isla girl was “definitely NOT autistic” because… she was too friendly.
When the early intervention team walked into her classroom that day my sweet Isla immediately said “Hi” and went to hold their hand.
By their observation Isla was too outgoing to be autistic because at that time, and even now guys, there is a false gold-standard of autism that assumes the child must be withdrawn and antisocial, especially with those they don’t know.
So at 4 years old… again… we lost time. Critical time. Isla was not tested.
The second characteristic of PDA is that these children appear sociable but lack depth of understanding. Actually, many children with PDA go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed because they are so people-oriented.
Anyone who has met Isla knows that she is a hand-holder. If you have had the privilege of an Isla hand-holding session it probably made you feel super special. We get that a lot.
However, as a mother and father you can imagine this is wonderful until she is caught holding hands with an older adult stranger at Walmart because they smiled at her.
Isla has learned social niceties through mimicking but has difficulty seeing boundaries and taking responsibility for her actions. This can cause confusing behaviors like excessive hugging but then pinching the next second.
At 3 and 4 years old Isla sounded like a courteous adult when she said things like, “Oh thank you much!” and “E’cuse me” and “Oh, I so sorry”. This strong grasp of social niceties for Isla was her desperate attempt to mask her academic weakness and social unawareness. But at the time, people assumed she was kind and well-mannered. Just a product of great parenting, you know? Ha!
This “lack of depth of understanding” I mentioned causes Isla to not recognize a “pecking order” and so she clings to adults because she feels she is an adult too and treats and talks to others as such.
This can be very troublesome for her family and teachers because she becomes upset and genuinely confused when she is told she can’t do adult things like drive to HEB, pay bills online, spend all her birthday money on pampers for her brother and discipline her sister just like she is the mommy.
Yeah, you get the picture.
