Oh social media how I fear thee. Let me count the ways.
For fifteen years I have watched the shock and dismay on people’s faces and sometimes even heard them involuntarily gasp out loud when they discover I don’t have MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram or Snapchat. I decided early on this year that my one word for 2018 would be BRAVE and I would start by tiptoeing my way into this crazy scary social media world with this blog. Let me assure you that for someone like me to make myself this vulnerable to all of the bored internet trolls of the world, it must be for a very worthy cause.
It all started with a baby. A baby that would take me on a journey I could never have imagined, dreamed, wished for, and definitely not a journey I thought I was capable of handling. In the spring of 2017 I decided to write a book about this journey with two very important people in mind. The two people that will one day finish the journey with that same little baby who is now almost ten years old, her sister and her brother. As I approached the ending of the book and began my futile attempt at editing (which really was just me rereading it hundreds of times because professional editors are expensive) a couple of things continued to resonate. I noticed how many times I used the word “google” and “lonely” or “alone” and how much I relied on the internet and other people’s social media platforms to help me find answers, cope, and sometimes even make huge decisions. I also took time to reflect on the person I was at each step of the way and I tried to identify what was the actual thing I needed at that time. What would have really helped me in those life-changing and sometimes staggering moments?
The answer was obvious … elephants.
Once upon a time in my undergrad years, before love-handles and stretch marks became my most loyal companions, I faintly recalled a professor discussing matriarchal animals in the wild. I remember that day as I sat listening I felt so empowered and was moved practically to tears but now years later I couldn’t quite remember the details of the story or what animal was being described. So I googled matriarchal animals and got a short list of nine as the first hit.
Honeybees: Female is the ruler, the largest, lives the shortest life span and specialty is reproduction.
No, just no.
Killer Whales: The offspring stay with their mothers for life and after having babies of their own they all travel together and are very protective of all the babies.
Eh, maybe?
Bonobos: Great apes that live in female-led groups are known as some of the most peaceful primates and use sex to settle conflicts.
O.M.G. NEXT…
Spotted Hyenas: Larger and more aggressive than the males, females dominate their social group and their genitals resemble the male genitals.
Sweet Jesus, please help me erase this mental image quick. Too late, the photo loaded crazy fast. Ugh!
Lions: Female lions do the hunting while male lions stay home BUT the males get to eat the kill first.
Oh come on!
Mole rats: The mole rat queen is the leader and chooses the biggest and baddest males to mate with then delivers up to seven offspring every two months.
Sign the petition…free birth control for the mole rats! They need our help.
Then after meerkats and ants was elephants. Yes. This is what I remembered from that biology lesson so many years ago. Elephants practice allomothering which means all of the females that comprise the herd help raise each little elephant baby. Great grandmothers, grandmothers, mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts and cousins all travel together. It is the epitome of “it takes a village” in the wild.
But here is the part that got me all teary-eyed years ago and still does even as I write this.
Through studies and research elephants have been found to be genuinely empathetic towards each other and even wince when seeing that another elephant is seconds from danger. There is an incredibly powerful phenomenon that occurs when one of the females is giving birth or when a female is injured. The internet has many descriptions and stories but basically as the female elephant lies on the ground with labor pains or in pain from injury, all the other female elephants of the herd back up into her forming a circle that completely surrounds her. They stand shoulder to shoulder so close and so tight that sometimes you can’t even see the elephant lying in the middle. They stand together as a massive, strong protective wall, a fortress of females kicking up dust and grass so predators will not catch the scent of the blood being shed. There are eyewitness accounts of these female elephants working together to lift the injured up to her feet. Sometimes this takes two or three of them with one lifting at her belly, one lifting her trunk and the other lifting her hind legs. Other eyewitness accounts confirm that as a laboring elephant gives birth the impenetrable circle of females begins to cover the baby with dust and dirt to protect its new skin from the elements. As the new mother stands to her feet, her new calf wraps its trunk around her tusk and she pulls it up to its feet for the first time. Then in victory and praise all of the female elephants raise their trunks high in the air and begin to trumpet. They celebrate. Literally. Can you hear it? Oh people you need to google elephant trumpeting sound clips; they will stir your heart. As the air flows forcefully through their trunks loud and strong the wild is filled with trumpeting females congratulating their sister, welcoming her baby, encouraging healing and confirming to the world they are not a tribe to be messed with.
I needed elephants.
Gosh, I think it’s safe to say EVERY woman needs her elephants.
When I got the autism diagnosis that January day it was terrifying, lonely, and I had never felt so helpless and vulnerable in my life. Although I did have many family elephants that loved and cared for me, not a single one had experienced autism in their own personal life. Yes, the internet was chock-full of resources, information, autism mommy blogs and studies but I lacked the human connection. The single support group near me was valuable and helpful for some but for me was intimidating, impersonal, and downright scary. It may sound cheesy to most but I really needed a good hug and to sit with someone that had gone through what I was going through for real, tangible one-on-one moral support. As a Mom of a Child that has Autism, as a M.o.C.h.A.™️, the whole purpose of this site and blog will be to build a tribe of women that will stand together, shoulder to shoulder, with other M.o.C.h.A.s as they get a new diagnosis, face a major setback, or deal with the cruelty of the stigma.
This is how it will work.
I will start by sharing my story with a M.o.C.h.A. that has been referred to me. Once she is done reading, we will sit down face-to-face in a coffee shop, sip mochas and I will simply listen. I will listen to her story, however long or short, simple or complicated, joyful or sad. I will listen and probably ugly cry and laugh and encourage and make a new friend then share it with you all. Starting April 2 you will have the opportunity to read new stories of a M.o.C.h.A. that has walked or maybe even crawled through the lowest valley of her mommy life and reached the other side blessed, strong, and changed.
I never imagined that writing down my story for all to read would be and feel so cathartic and liberating. There is a peace that comes with those closest to me knowing the truth and the crazy details of my story without having to repeat myself or constantly explain. I realize that not everybody will write a book or start a blog but everybody’s story is so equally important. My prayer is that by sharing a collection of unique stories we will eventually build a tribe of women in which we can rely on, love on, learn from and pass no judgement in the process. A tribe of women that truly can empathize.
It is by no coincidence that I decided to post this first blog entry on Valentine’s Day. That baby I mentioned, my beautiful girl, her middle name is Love. So this is my way of spreading a little love in a world that is so desperately in need of it. It is also my way of giving back to every blogger, author, motivational speaker, researcher, mom, dad, doctor, and therapist that through social media has guided me all these years.
I encourage you to take time today to reach out to your girlfriends, your sisters, your tribe and love on them. Especially if you know someone that has a child with special needs; call them. Be their fangirl today. Lift them up.
If any of this post made you giggle or even a tad bit emotional, I hope you will subscribe. I am a full-time working mom of three and a coach’s wife so I don’t have time to flood your inbox even if I wanted to. Trust.
Join me as I delve into the hidden worlds of your fellow M.o.C.h.A.s, your coworkers, your daughters, your friends, your sisters. Get ready to view the world with a whole new per-spectrum.
PS
Dearest bored internet trolls,
I will address you once and on this first blog entry only. If you are scrambling to reply with your hateful words and tricky rhetoric don’t bother. This blog is my party and if you decide to be a party pooper you will be asked to leave. No, that’s a lie. You won’t be asked. Go poop on your own party.
Peace and love.
43 comments
LOVE THIS!!! ❤️ You are an AMAZING person. I am so proud to call you my friend, No…FAMILY! 😊
My little girl is changing the world. I believe God is using you to help families that are walking on the same road. I predict that these diaries will be a huge success and benefit to many.
I’m very proud of you…you continue to amaze me.
I am beyond proud of you! Thank you for allowing me to experience a small piece of this journey with you. Your book, this blog and your boldness is just what this world needs more of! Keep being BRAVE and helping others to live with more GRACE!
My goodness this is exciting! Social media, meet my amazing sister and her incredible family 🙌
Awesome! This has the potential to reach and help so many families!
YAY!!! OMG, I love this! I am so proud of you, friend! Since our high school cheering days you have always shown that great big heart of yours, you deserve this and so much more! Love you and am with you on any journey you need me to be on with you! GO CATS! LOL!
I am so honored that you included me in this small group of sneak peeks. Though I was there for most of what has transpired over the last 10 yrs, there was still so much more and seeing it in writing had even more of an impact. I’ve always understood and cherished how special Isla is and what an amazingly strong momma you are. Proud of you Chica! BESOS Y ABRAZOS!!!!
AWESOME!!! Welcome to the world of social media! I’m proud of you and know that great things are head. We💙 Ya’ll.
So beautifully written and so encouraging, Lisa! I’m extremely excited to keep reading. Thanks for being so bold and brave!
I am honored to be part of your Tribe. May your word help open people’s hearts and lead to a better understanding that we are all unique individuals with needs.
Congratulations to you for your bravery & honesty.
This is so perfect on so many levels…and mainly because it’s from you! You have a way with words my dear…and you’re very raw.
I’m so glad to be apart of your elephant pack even if it’s from a distance! xoxo
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa….Im blown away! You never cease to amaze me. Thank you for sharing this not only with me but with the world. Know that i love you and your family and have enjoyed the updates and photos of the kids along the way. You are an amazing person and an exceptional mother! I am your fangirl and will forever be your Elephant!
Thank you for sharing, being BRAVE and helping others. We are not alone. LOVE
You made me giggle and emotional, thanks for sharing. I’m looking forward to reading more! You go girl!
This is great, welcome to social media sis! Looking forward to watching the Tribe grow with new friends, while sharing the love this world needs. Glad to be apart of this movement! #LOVE
Lisa, I love, love, love this!! As I was reading this I could hear your voice in my mind and know how much this means to you and to those who will share this with you. Isla is a beautiful, witty, and an ever so charming young lady. Love her with all my heart. I wanna be an elephant too. Looking forward to reading more. Love you!
Wow!! This is so beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I feel so honored to be included in this journey. The elephant story was awesome and made me so emotional. I have always admired your strength and how you fight for your kids. They are so lucky to have you as their mother. I look forward to reading more in the future. I am always here for you if you need anything. Thank you again for your positive and encouraging words!! ❤️
Awesome! Proud of you. Your message is powerful and will no doubt support many. 👊🏻🙌🏻💕
Thank you for sharing your life’s journey. We may all come from different walks of life (herds), trials, and tribulations, but what truly brings us together is “LOVE.” We all share an unbreakable bond! It is simply amazing to note how powerful one’s message can be, so speak loud and proud Lisa! I’m here for you sister!
Your Testimony is powerful!!! Isaiah 41:10. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Lisa!! This makes me smile so big. You are more amazing than you know ♥️
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
This is beyond amazing! This was shared with me by a family member because she thought I might enjoy reading it since, I too, have a daughter with autism. There are not too many resources in our area that can prepare our children for life in general, let alone educate us on what might help. It’s up to us to figure out the best way. Thank you for doing this. I look forward to future blogs and if I can help in any way please please please don’t hesitate to reach out! You’re already part of my elephant tribe 😊
I am so proud of the woman you are and especially, the awesome Mother that you are! You are going to do great things! Love you, BFF!
You will never be alone! And neither will any other parent who has a child with Autism or any type of disability. The brave step you made to put this out for the world to read is scary, but exactly what we need to do! We always have a “herd of elephants” as our support system, all we have to do is accept the love from each other! God is definitely using you has his instrument through your raw, comical, genuine, beautiful, inspiring words. May this blog reach the souls that need to hear them. I’m not just talking about parents who have children with disabilities. I’m also talking about the teachers who work with these beautiful little humans, the church communities that pray for them, the family members that need insight on what is happening behind the scenes. Thank you sis for sharing! We love you, can’t wait for the next blog!
This is good stuff, sister! I am proud of you and look forward to everything this will become.
I want to be an elephant 💖
I’m a M.O.C.H.A. My Son is 16. I have never in my life been able to pour my soul out to anyone other than God. This is the beginning of something amazing. and I am in the trenches with you.
Love it! Can’t wait for more.
I’ve been so blessed to you and your family re-enter my life Lisa 🙂 Thank you for your support and friendship! I’m excited for what’s ahead.
My wife is AMAZING!!
Love this so much. Welcome to social media – where this has belonged for a long, long time. Excited for that’s to come!
Trumpeting love, prayers, support and encouragement. Momma Elephant 🐘
Gosh I miss you guys! What a great read! Looking forward to more!
Wow! Just wow! I enjoyed reading your first post so much I’ve read it 3 more times now! What an amazing story already. Can’t wait to read and learn more. This will touch so many lives, Lisa. Thank you for putting yourself and your beautiful family out there for those who need exactly this. Very exciting!
Love, love, love! ❤️
Amazing! I sooo look forward to reading the book. Thanks for allowing me to be a small, little part in the Wonderful plan that God has in place for that beautiful little girl 🙂
Can’t wait to continue to read these shared stories! This is awesome!
Oh Lisa!!!!! I am so proud and happy for you! This is so awesome what you are doing! Exciting! I can only imagine all the families you will touch! Beautifully written!Love you all so very much!
Love this and your sweet family. Miss y’all!
This is wonderful thing you are doing Lisa. You have a beautiful daughter who is very special. God is working in your life by using you to reach out to families and will bless you for doing this. I am very happy for you and can’t wait to see God’s hand move miraculously. We love you all.
So proud of you Lisa! I know God is using you to be a Blessing to other families.Isla is such a beautiful little girl. We love you and your family. Know that we will always be here for you and your family.
Lisa, your actions and words will not only impact the life of sweet Isla, but of many others. You are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your journey. Much love friend.
What a blessing you are to mothers struggling with the unknown world of Autism. You have been chosen to shed a light for all to seek peace and comfort in knowing they are not alone and that together you can make a difference. .